bright magic for a dark time
i wandered the stones and grasses and clovers of my yard, trying to feel magic spells creep up through the roots of my toes, my padded animal feet, my dirty hem...
i brought out all my magical tools, most of them gifted to me from the lovely claire with great perception and care, like a mother, like the earth.
a hand painted ceramic disc, a stone shaped like an egg, a wand with feathers, a bundle of fresh cedar.
but all these magic tools could not protect me from the devastations of this world. during my blissful ceremony i got a phone call. it was emily with terrible news that left us both gasping to breathe.
this is a pretty disturbing story; if you don't feel inclined please don't read it. here is emily's own description of what happened at her family home yesterday morning: To anyone who doesnt know, our family dogs were playing in our yard yesterday when 3 tweaked out guys came to our front door asking my mom if they could do any "work" for money (they wanted to get in and rob the house) my mom said "no, but ...I will pray for you". A few minutes later she realized she hadnt seen the dogs, so she went outside to find them unable to walk or stand (but trying) and one of them had a note safety pinned to its throat that said "AMEN".
She took them to the vet, and they had been drugged, crystal meth. Both dogs are dead. My heart is so broken for those innocent loving creatures and for humankind. the world is so heartless and dead and godless and I am feeling all of my faith in the good of this world draining out of me faster than I can save it.
Thank you all for your huge hearts and kind words. I love you all. You are the GOOD that I need in this world.
i look at my feathers, my incenses, my wand, my crystals. i know they are good and pure and of this wild weird world, and i know somehow we are all connected. i want to feel one with all, as i feel with my family and friends and animals, with cedar trees and driftwood, but i feel an awful disconnect when i imagine a young man capable of terrorizing a friendly innocent animal.
the dogs were two little pekineses, just the sweetest creatures around who love everyone.
the note had been pinned to her throat, her actual skin.
that fact makes my insides shivery with a terrible darkness. it cannot pulse with my heart;
it creeps like a fog.
i wanted to share these photos and tell of a bright magic,
a web i spin myself, prayers to trees,
moss and dirt i love, cats that burst my heart open with joy and sweetness.
i wanted to show this fertility charm that emily herself made me at christmas, which i feel blesses me.
i keep it near and moonstone lights my way.
i want to smile as always but i am haunted.
i am reminded that it is something of a battle, to be cheerful and kind and optimistic in a dark world.
i am not unaware of that schism, of the fraught nature of living, and i know i blog like life is just a bowl of cherries. and often it is, and beautiful, and the warming sun above all, and peace.
but i know the chaos,
even as i seek the magic of light.