Heather's Pregnancy Compendium: Part 1

welcome to everything i know so far about pregnancy...my own that is :)

i am 20 weeks right now and have been surprised by how many varied and new experiences one encounters when pregnant. 

i don't know if this is enhanced by the fact that i tried for so long and for so long desired to be pregnant, but i am constantly aware of every tiny shifting detail of this incredible experience, standing by and taking notes!

so here are some tidbits of what's gone on for me so far....

1. age: 

i am 35 years old and this is my first pregnancy ( i am a primagravida!) well let's be more specific shall we; i got pregnant while 34 and turned 35 a few weeks later. technically i think i am considered a mother of advanced maternal age although kindly, when i first met with my obgyn and nurse they reassured me that they do not put me in this category and that they see mothers much older than me all the time. even though it doesn't seem to worry anyone else, it is often on my mind. when i hear about wonderful, healthy, non complicated pregnancies and childbirths i immediately wonder, well how old was the mother? i mean, optimum fertility is at 18 years old! lord knows what nature really intended! i have heard that younger mothers have easier childbirths but really...i like to think that it all really just relates to how healthy you are and your state of mind and being during that crucial experience. 

despite being a little older than a lot of other moms, one thing i have always had going for me is plenty of energy. i have always felt younger than my years, and you're as young as you feel right?! so anyway, although age plays a small part in aspects of my pregnancy, overall it is just a fact and not a worry.

2. anxiety: 

here age might play a role! because i am a little older and i tried to get pregnant for six years.... i mean do you know how many months passed when i tried not to get my hopes up? when i saw my flow begin yet again and i tried to stay positive, to welcome it, to carry on with my womanness with greatest of care and acceptance and love.

to suddenly become pregnant after so many moons of NOT being pregnant, the attachment i felt immediately was visceral and every action now tinged with a new resolve and a mighty tenor.

so yes, i've been anxious like i mentioned in my very first pregnancy post. this was much worse during the first trimester and also, each time i have been to the doctor my worries have been assuaged.

to deal with anxieties, i try not to go online too much. it is overwhelming the amount of information you can find about every tiny detail of pregnancy and often you can't be sure of your sources. so i have tried to stick to a few books so far, and some solicited advice from trusted friends. mostly my methods for dealing with anxiety come down to two things:

1. journalling

2. breathing

i have found these both to be immensely helpful in pregnancy. when i had fears or doubts or panics early in my pregnancy i would lay down or do a yoga pose like child's pose and just breathe deep into my belly. i really felt like my breath itself was swirling around that new being and providing energy and life and love. sometimes i would think a word, and breathe it into and out of my belly, like "love" or "healthy" or "grow." it might sound cheesy but it works wonders on keeping me calm and sometimes it helps me fall asleep. and i have always been a journaller, of both mundane and more profound topics. so i grab my little blank book and i spill it all out on paper so that my spirit can breathe too.

3. beer:

you all know i love to drink. usually it's wine in the winter, beer in the summer, but a little of all of it all in between. i love seasonal ales and IPAs and sometimes a nice hemp ale. remember this farmhouse ale? sometimes i dream about that flavor. so long before i got pregnant, i used to worry about this. when my friend kim told me, "you just don't crave it" i hardly believed her. i thought, yeah right, you're just obviously not me! well i am surprised and happy to say she was actually right. i do still enjoy the smell of wine and beer, even did during the first trimester, but a switch must have turned in my brain because i never crave a sip. now i am not a super hardcore pregnant woman and if indeed a sip becomes desirable, especially as the sun shines brightly, i just might indulge.

i think that's enough for the beginning of my compendium. as you can see i'm rather long winded on these subjects!  i'll be back next monday with body and boobs, cats, clothes, and coffee.  

meanwhile i'm off to go read and enjoy feeling these tiny movements i'm feeling inside me :)

goodnight sweethearts.

all photos taken by darin except i took the one of him walking away and the one of the little wooden house. 

we were on a country walk and i was doing some etsy stuff.

my outfit was 100% thrifted except the jewelry which was gifted :)