your sun is shining

lucy and i each drew tarot cards the other day for a simple spread: past, present and future.

my spread: 
past = daughter of cups (playful youthfulness, strong feelings, going with the flow) 
present = the Sun (more on that in a moment)
future: shaman of cups (focused awareness, the dark power and force of the moon, spiritual purpose)

lucy's spread: 
past = 10 of discs (her birth! also the card i used to draw when i would mentally inquire about my issues with infertility) 
present = 3 of wands (communication and self-expression, her learning to talk!)
future = the Moon (dreaming time, yield to the unconscious, bioryhythms... her future adolescence?)

i love that the Present in my reading is the Sun. This is truly my life right now: in my Motherpeace deck, "a butterfly is superimposed on the Sun. Archetypal symbol of rebirth, the butterfly is one of Nature's most delightful and marvelous creatures and is moves out of the chrysalis state and into the light. Though a process of conscious transformation and rebirth, we can each experience the miracle of the butterfly -- crawl out of our cocoons, unfurl wings, and soar into the heavens, utterly changed." 

It might seem simplistic to say that motherhood has changed me like that, but it has. It has been a rebirth for me as a woman and a human being. In short, I am opened up to a purity of time and love that I never imagined possible. At my best, I can focus on the moment and a wild exuberance springs from my heart. Even at my worst I am full of an irrepressible love and devotion. It's not like these things weren't part of my personality before; they were. It's just that mothering these two amazing girls of mine somehow makes me more myself, at least these parts of myself. I am not able to read as much, do studious research, work outside the home, or be alone very often. But I am sure able to be in the moment, to laugh, and to feel giddily in love.

my book goes on to say: "When you get the Sun in a reading, you can relax and enjoy yourself, it's going to be a good day, week, or year. You are probably experiencing a great deal of expansiveness and pleasure -- your sun is shining."

Sure enough.

swinging, hanging laundry, painting at lucy's little table, nursing my baby on the blanket outside, eating outside, dancing, reading. sharing it all with two adorable little babies who are taking so much in and expanding like the tiny universes they are. i know that this time when my babies are little will pass quickly and so i am just enjoying feeling so - ALIVE.

the poppies a couple weeks ago:

...and the poppies now!

"It may be time to dance or sing."

"You feel yourself to be part of something bigger than your own individual life, and yet your individuality is freed up as well."

The passage about the Sun card in my Motherpeace book ends like this: 
"An open heart paves the way for peace and a world connected through joy and harmony. Sun consciousness may be the first step to putting down our weapons and joining hands in a great, global circle of healing...Ask not for whom the Sun shines: it shines for us all." Kinda cheesy but I'm willing to hope. I know that a "sun consciousness" works wonders for me ;)

just now as i typed, while both my girls nap, a butterfly with striking velvety wings flitted in the open doorway of my kitchen and back out again. it is the last day of april, and the sunshine is calling.


Milla said…
You know, you seem like you were born to be a mother; your exuberance, curiosity, luminous love light, all have grown and are shining even brighter sense you became a mom in this real world, but really , these pictures and words make me think of you as the archetypal mother. Here's to your lovely creations and your shining motherly self! I'd wish you a happy springtime but it seems so happy already. xoxo
anne said…
couldn't agree with milla more! you really are an inspirational mother! and i sincerely mean that. your girls are very lucky to have you as their mama.

that second to last picture is beautiful!
GrittyPretty said…
who knew Lucy has been collecting all those amazing curls at the back of her beautiful head?! and that pic of her with her choir of poppies right behind! honestly heather! your blog is one of the few reasons i come online during busy toddler raising time. thanks for continuing to write and document your thoughts and life. and YES to motherpeace! one of the best tarot decks; my fav.
Lauren Knight said…
I have to agree with Milla- born to be a mama. You are shining and lovely, so beautiful on the inside and out. Peace to you!
Amy Beatty said…
ah man!! so awesome! Those cards got your number right. I love it. Darin reading to the girls and you and the girls sitting in front of the poppys is all a beautiful dream come true!!! love you xoxo
dolly anna said…
polly in those poppies. she looks like the happiest little soul. i love your tarot divinations...the cards just show us where we are in life. i just got a new deck from the bookery (!) about the inner child, so all of the classic card forms have been interpreted into fairy tale characters. i don't know how long you longed for motherhood but it seems to shine so brightly now in your world, like you always knew where your heart would open up in it's fullest true form. you're an inspiration! xo
Syed Kazim Ali said…
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