Eternal Return

the wheel keeps turning, the universe is expanding and possibilities are infinite.
time is cyclical and fall is officially here. not in our weather or clothes, for us here in these dry northern cali hills, but in our hearts.

meanwhile, and perhaps best of all ;) 

this outfit was nothing much special, but i felt almost back to normal.

i thrifted the high waisted rayon floral 90s skirt for pure comfort. the blouse i got from becky at a clothing exchange and shirts with buttons have taken on a new significance.

still most of my old clothes (especially tops) are a bit too snug and i don't have much of a waist to speak of, but i aint complaining. i have a baby that takes my breath away with her amazingness :)

speaking of which, lucy did some outfit shots too. 
this was her first time trying on shoes.

they were tiny vintage saddle shoes that my brother wore in probably 1979.
she was none too pleased, so that didn't last long.
a summer baby wears bare feet only round here.


in other baby news, she has learned to sit for small amounts of time in her little chair lent to us by jorden and becky, and to play with bright and cheery toys given to me by my friend kim. kimmy brought this monkey play set up when i was in the hospital having the baby. i saw it when i got home and could not possibly imagine ever having a baby big enough to enjoy it and tucked it into the closet. well guess what? my baby's in love. with mister monkey moo right there...that dashing face! that crooked smile! she's smitten.

it is a wild and colorful world for the modern baby! and i didn't even have to buy anything :)

she can hold onto things now but she hasn't quite figured out how to get that started on her own.

our days are still sweltering and dry. we sit outside for evening meals and the cats play in the long dry grass and get covered in stickers. on the night of the equinox darin built a bonfire and we sat with our friends and talked for hours and fed our babies under a fat little crescent moon that kept drawing her eyes away from the task at hand.

at seasons' change this world feels like a mythical place indeed. patterns and thoughts wither and fall while we concurrently build something new: a stack of wood, a wool coat for winter, a list of dreams, a meal, a gift, a friendship, a family.
"All truth is crooked. Time itself is a circle."
we learn by the passing of days and the beats of our hearts. we learn with skin, bone, teeth and blood.

we teach our babies our ways, to walk and communicate and learn. they are curious and free and they stay by our sides anyway.
these twin fawns and their mama have been living here for a while now. the fawns have doubled in size much like my own babe. they watch me nurse my baby in the hammock and they play games with the cats.

it's serious business, learning about life every day. hard work too, 

but richly rewarding :)

  it is nice to know we're all in it together, 

 and that time is mysterious and as fast as these days fly, maybe they're not really gone. maybe the particles of their existence are flying around the universe waiting for another infinitely real chance to come together again. this tiny fingernail, fluff of cleanly bathed baby hair, this kissable cheek and tiny bird song coo, maybe my baby is eternal after all. and me too, and you.

a happy and blessed autumn to all of you.

my outfit:
earrings: handmade gift from amber
top: clothing exchange
skirt: thrifted $3
sandals: clothing exchange

lucy's outfit:
sailor dress: vintage, gifted from jocelyn
socks and shoes: vintage from my family


Teeny said…
You and your daughter are a refreshing sight for sore eyes sweetness. That blouse is just so beautiful on you, and i still wear my black and white little floral nineties skirt you gave me...makes me feel so girlie! I like your look with the sandals too...cannot wait for warmer weather so I can bust out my skirts without tights or socks. You are living my most favourite time that i spent with my babies, where everything is slow and peaceful and delightful. Your last few words brought such a smile to me....I like the thought of our babies being eternal. You and I shall meet again one day too. xo
Anonymous said…
She and you are breathtaking.

Anonymous said…
She and you are breathtaking.

anne said…
man that little sailor dress is adorable! the two of you are looking wonderful.

i love the picture of the bonfire, very pretty.
Andrea said…
i love that the outfit post is back! I love seeing how much Little Luci is changing and her very curious faces now at the camera! Your words on mothering are beautiful :)
um, that baby is way too big to be the one you just had. she is so sweet in her little chair! and you look great! i wish i'd bounced back as fast as you! cute skirt!
Jenna E said…
oooooooooooooh you look fabulous mama!!! I swear our babes could be sisters, I think they look a like. It's pretty fun that they are reaching milestones together (from afar)
lightwood said…
Ahh buttoned blouses & shirts... My new best friend too! I'm always on the hunt. I'm sad this summer I won't be pulling all my lovely dresses out that didn't fit me last year due to the bump, now I can't wear them breastfeeding. But it's well worth it <3 you & Lucinda bebe are looking lovely... Yay for the return of the outfit post! x
Elizabeth said…
Beautiful lass, thanks for your inspiration!!!! x
"..we learn by the passing of days and the beats of our hearts. we learn with skin, bone, teeth and blood.."

with that i think i just fell in love with you a little deeper
Joanne said…
you are a poet, Heather! Lovelove <3
Amy Beatty said…
my dear heather!! you are full of love and life like always. But no outfit can out shine that darling in her little seat!! how in the world!! cutest little body sitting there and I love that face of hers looking up. such a doll - gosh! to love her from afar is the pits!! I love you baby girl!!! She is a growing and a changing so quick. I just wish I could kiss that face! Love you xo
Nichole said…
thank you so much for writing these words. as you'll see on my blog, this fall offers up transitions for me as well. beautiful, scary, raw and blinding truths.

these words echo my own heart think (heart think? just decided that was a word). i have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next week. what i have is this moment, and i am so grateful for it.
Missa said…
Outfit cuteness! I love the collar on your top and high waisted rayon floral 90s skirts are always a good thing in my book :)

Little sailor Lucy in her saddle shoes! It is unfortunate that baby shoes really are as impractical as they are adorable, haha.

Love your musings on the cycles of time, the seasons, life...
Those little shoes made me cry. I can still see my little boys wearing them. I am so happy to see precious little Luleelu wearing them now. How lucky are we?!! Your home is filled with love and joy my precious daughter. It is a highlight in my day when I can come over and fill my cup with love, laughter, understanding and kisses and hugs. I am a happy Nana

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