Embracing my Post Partum Bod

Body image. A woman's post partum body. My post partum body. Fashion, clothing, fit. Aging. The gaze. The media. Beauty. Identity.

These related topics have been on my mind lately, as I near Polly's six-month birthday and my body stubbornly clings to those ten or fifteen extra pounds that two pregnancies in quick succession so readily brought me. As my breasts are much larger than ever before, impossible to hide especially paired with the need for easy access to my growing babe. As I wonder if I'll ever wear shorts again.

As I recently learned that there is a thigh gap craze, a fetish I won't even grace with googling, because I don't want to give it one iota of power.



And as Lucy just had her first week of swimming lessons - "tadpoles"- and I had to go in with her each day, alongside other moms, dads, and grandmas, in the midst of about ten other classes for youth of various ages, and a whole crowd of spectators. I wore a different "momsuit" each day, and damned if I didn't actually feel kind of proud of myself! Not for looking fit or tan, certainly not for having "worked out" or adjusted my diet to achieve a specially approved media-friendly body, no, but for being brave and for going in anyway, for trying really hard to just not care, to love myself and to love my special time with my babe in the pool.

I was inspired by mary's link to that swimsuit article going around on facebook. Put on your swimsuit mamas! Feel comfortable in your skin! This doesn't just go for mothers, but anyone who has to fight that urge to reduce and dishonor herself. It's only fair to our children, to our communities, to ourselves. It's dangerous to sit on the sidelines in a tee shirt because it says you aren't worthy of being out there playing and enjoying the water and the sun and the laughter and the kids. Embrace yourself and send a little beam of love and self-love into the universe. Be real. Don't let anyone or anything get under your skin and make you feel any certain way about yourself. It's all you. Own it.

A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem. - Naomi Wolf



 I wrote this post last time around, and I have to catch myself and remind myself until the refrain still rings in my ears: I LOVE MY BODY. There are plenty of moments I don't. I have a laundry list of ""issues" with my body since my second pregnancy. In the interest of honesty, I can tell you some of them, offhandedly, they're as familiar to me as breath: back fat. belly chubs. thicker arms. round face, less definition. girth. lack of collar bones. But why are these even considered problems? It's so stupid. It's pure vanity, and by whose definitions? I RESIST THIS! And  I suspect it smacks of consumerism and power; I want to know what kind of wheel was set in motion that gets women thinking this way, that urges us to make comparisons, that promotes self-denigration. Who stands to gain? I find the whole thing very suspect; I want to find that little wizard behind the curtain and knock him off his high horse. We are so much bigger and better than that.

For the record, I do want to be healthy, (although I feel stronger and more energetic than ever on those good days when I am in supermom mode.) so I do have plans to work in some yoga and some aerobic exercise, but not because I want to be a certain number on the scale. I just want to feel good and I hear those endorphins can be addictive :) 

I mean, look at this guy! I am so grateful I have two strong legs. And he's doing just fine, he's rocking it and he's confident as hell squawking for treats at the city park.

Swimming lessons were really fun. It was a half hour session every day for a week, and the time flew. Lucy was pretty overwhelmed the first day, but she grew more and more confident and outgoing in the class. She went flying down that little slide straight into the water and my arms. She held onto the side. She tried to plug her nose and dip her little face in. And she kicked like nobody's business. That's about as far as we got, but that is enough for us. We are happy in the water, we are confident, and we are loving being alive in our bodies, having fun and being together. 

I have to mention Anne and Jessica's post at The Ma Books on post partum fashion! Why does no one talk about it? With both of my babies, I have found it more difficult to dress my post-partum body than my pregnant body. Especially because of breastfeeding. Not to mention function, form, necessity: if I'm going to be running around all day, bending over carseats to nurse, hoisting babes and strollers, picking up toys, being smeared with popsicles and spit up, I want my clothes to be easy as air to wear, and yet I also want to look at least somewhat cute. Anne and Jessica, both with brand spanking new gorgeous newborns of their own, do a perfect job at finding that balance of beauty and comfort that makes you feel so good through the long, (well short actually!) exhausting, radiant days of mothering a wee child. 

I wanted to do a little post-partum fashion post myself, but honestly I haven't had the time to photograph myself and on some days I'm lucky if getting dressed involves anything more than throwing on the quickest tank top and wrap skirt I could find. Although maybe that counts!We'll see. Maybe I'll get a burst of energy and time. Maybe. Meanwhile I'll keep putting on my funny collection of 1980's momsuits and plunging into the water at every chance I get! How about you? Does vanity sometime stop you from donning a swimsuit? How are you going about the vital work of self-love?